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On Brotherhood and Cancer

This past weekend, I had the privilege and honour of attending Man Up to Cancer's inaugural Gathering of Wolves in Delevan, New York. It was a sacred and special event for so many reasons, but being able to be a part of the first one is an experience that I will never forget. Around sixty men, spanning countries, ages, and types of cancer came together to share our experiences, swap stories, and finally meet each other face to face after all of the Zoom calls, private chats, and Facebook interactions we've had with one another. The profound, transcendent effect this will have on my life is indescribable, but I'll do my best to give a taste.
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Am I Just a Tourist?

I've been reflecting a lot on a powerful quote from author Susan Sontag. It may be familiar to some, but it's especially fitting as someone who's going through a cancer diagnosis (as she was when she penned it). "Everyone who is born holds dual citizenship, in the kingdom of the well and in the kingdom of the sick. Although we all prefer to use the good passport, sooner or later each of us is obliged, at least for a spell, to identify ourselves as citizens of that other place." Will I get back home? Susan Sontag, from Illness as a Metaphor
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Meat Sleeve Betrayal

I'll let you in on a secret that nobody tells you when you're diagnosed with cancer: you feel like you lose your body autonomy. If you want to be treated, anyways. That's not to say there's no choice in the matter. You can proceed with treatment, which means consenting to an array of testing, needles, surgeries, and drugs being thrown at you. Alternately, you can do nothing and allow your body to be overrun with disease.
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Let’s get heavy: What’s the prognosis?

I'm asked often if I know whether treatment is working. With so many appointments and professionals involved, you'd think that it would be straightforward enough to know whether chemotherapy is having a positive effect. But cancer treatment, like the disease itself, is complex and—at times—unpredictable. Sure, there are statistics (which are scary as hell) and likelihoods that help inform outcomes, but the efficacy on a case-by-case basis is variable and only so predictable.
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Don’t be afraid to seek help

The low-grade panging of anxiety feels like a buzzing in my brain, as if there's a mosquito taking up residence inside my cranium. The little bastard won't quit. He just keeps slamming against my skull, trying to escape. It's persistent. It's debilitating.
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What Does Chemotherapy Feel Like? Pt. 2

Many of the folks in the cancer community have told me that the third time is when you find out how chemotherapy will really go. The reason being that the drugs build up over time. Anyone who takes long-term prescriptions will be able to relate. You take your drugs daily and build a maintenance level—an amount of the drug persists in your system—in order to receive the benefits.
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An Unfiltered View

Over the last three and a half months, I've reflected regularly on the impact that storytelling has had on my experience with cancer. Today I want to touch on some of the more difficult topics.
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What Does Chemotherapy Feel Like? Pt. 1

Receiving chemotherapy for the first time is exhausting. The buildup to the day, with the associated tests, appointments, and procedures, leaves treatment day as the final boss in a weeklong gauntlet of physical and mental torment.